A provocative and deeply important study of women’s lives, women’s choices—and an ‘unspoken taboo’—that questions the societal pressures forcing women into motherhoodWomen who opt not to be mothers are frequently warned that they will regret their decision later in life, yet we rarely talk about the possibility that the opposite might also be true—that women who have children might regret it. Drawing on years of research interviewing women from a variety of socioeconomic, educational, and professional backgrounds, sociologist Orna Donath treats regret as a feminist issue: as regret marks the road not taken, we need to consider whether alternative paths for women currently are blocked off. She asks that we pay attention to what is forbidden by rules governing motherhood, time, and emotion, including the cultural assumption that motherhood is a “natural” role for women—for the sake of all women, not just those who regret becoming mothers.If we are disturbed by the idea that a woman might regret becoming a mother, Donath says, our response should not be to silence and shame these women; rather, we need to ask honest and difficult questions about how society pushes women into motherhood and why those who reconsider it are still seen as a danger to the status quo. Groundbreaking, thoughtful, and provocative, this is an especially needed book in our current political climate, as women's reproductive rights continue to be at the forefront of national debates.
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Regretting Motherhood: A Study
By Orna Donath
A provocative and deeply important study of women’s lives, women’s choices—and an ‘unspoken taboo’—that questions the societal pressures forcing women into motherhoodWomen who opt not to be mothers are frequently warned that they will regret their decision later in life, yet we rarely talk about the possibility that the opposite might also be true—that women who have children might regret it. Drawing on years of research interviewing women from a variety of socioeconomic, educational, and professional backgrounds, sociologist Orna Donath treats regret as a feminist issue: as regret marks the road not taken, we need to consider whether alternative paths for women currently are blocked off. She asks that we pay attention to what is forbidden by rules governing motherhood, time, and emotion, including the cultural assumption that motherhood is a “natural” role for women—for the sake of all women, not just those who regret becoming mothers.If we are disturbed by the idea that a woman might regret becoming a mother, Donath says, our response should not be to silence and shame these women; rather, we need to ask honest and difficult questions about how society pushes women into motherhood and why those who reconsider it are still seen as a danger to the status quo. Groundbreaking, thoughtful, and provocative, this is an especially needed book in our current political climate, as women's reproductive rights continue to be at the forefront of national debates.
Popular Reviews(1)
Reviewed by Kristin KnillmannIn my quest to understand myself and my desires better, especially in context of society's expectations, I've stumbled across this book. And what an important, necessary book it is. This quote in the epilogue summed it up perfectly: "The question of how these taboo accounts affect us—researchers, participants, and readers—demonstrates how thin the rope is that we walk on when dealing with a critical sociology of issues that wound lives. On one hand, facing them may have torturous consequences; on the other hand, avoiding them may prevent us from understanding social worlds and changing them for the benefit of those who suffer from them. With this in mind, I believe that the question “Why talk about regretting motherhood?” should be flipped the other way around: What are the consequences of silencing regret over motherhood? Who pays the price when we try to pretend it does not exist? I insist that it is not a single group who pays this price. Silencing regret impacts women who do not want to be mothers (both those who have children and those who do not); women who do want to be mothers (and who may or may not currently have children); and children—all of them suffer the actual consequences of those social orders that make them, that make us, the bearers of arrangements that purportedly care for us but are in fact instruments of our oppression." Thank you, Orna Donath.