Recommendations based on "The Secret of Staying in Love"

When you love someone, how does it feel? And when you desire someone, how is it different?In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel looks at the story of sex in committed couples. Modern romance promises it all - a lifetime of togetherness, intimacy and erotic desire. In reality, it's hard to want what you already have. Our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. And often, the very thing that got us to into our relationships - lust - is the one thing that goes missing from them.Determined to reconcile the erotic and the domestic, Perel explains why democracy is a passion killer in the bedroom. Argues for playfulness, distance, and uncertainty. And shows what it takes to bring lust home. Smart, sexy and explosively original, Mating in Captivity is the monogamist's essential bedside read.

From the New York Times bestselling author of Rebbe comes this newly revised edition of Words That Hurt, Words That Heal —an invaluable guide in how choosing the right words can enrich our relationships and give us insight to improve every facet of our lives."I don't know anyone whose life would not be blessed by this book."—Rabbi Harold S. Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People and Nine Essential Things I've Learned About Life Joseph Telushkin is renowned for his warmth, his erudition, and his richly anecdotal insights, and in Words That Hurt, Words That Heal he focuses these gifts on the words we use in public and in private, revealing their tremendous power to shape relationships. With wit and wide-ranging intelligence, Rabbi Telushkin explains the harm in spreading gossip, rumors, or others' secrets, and how unfair anger, excessive criticism, or lying undermines true communication. By sensitizing us to subtleties of speech we may never have considered before, he shows us how to turn every exchange into an opportunity.In this fully revised edition, Joseph Telushkin brings this classic into the modern age. Remarkable for its clarity and practicality, Words That Hurt, Words That Heal illuminates the powerful effects we create by what we say and how we say it.

'This book feels so hopeful because it's direct, it's really honest, and it's so actionable' Brené Brown______What makes love last? Why do some couples stay together forever, while others fall apart? Is there a formula for building a love that lasts? How can you revive and renew your relationship in just seven days?For the past fifty years, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have been studying love. The Seven-Day Love Prescription distils their work into an accessible, bite-size, seven-day action plan for deeper intimacy. Taking you through their most foundational findings, the Gottmans will help you build a love that lasts in just seven days. Through small, immediately actionable daily steps, they will help you to shift your relationship for the better, providing trusted antidotes to common issues from loneliness and emotional and physical disconnection, to drifting apart and losing that loving feeling. These will teach you how to:· Connect and check in with each other· Ask each other big, open-ended questions· Show appreciation and gratitude by saying thank you· Give your partner a genuine compliment· Communicate what you need· Create moments of physical connection· Declare a date nightNo matter who you are, or what kind of relationship you want to strengthen, The Seven-Day Love Prescription is guaranteed to provide you with the practical tools to transform any relationship in your life for the better. The Gottmans prove that small frequent changes over just seven days can strengthen the foundations of all relationships, allow them to flourish, and create big, long-lasting change over time.______'There isn't a marriage or romantic partnership out there that won't benefit from this book' New York Journal of Books

Two former Harvard faculty—one an internationally-recognized negotiator and conflict management expert from Harvard Law, the other a leading behavioral neurologist and cutting-edge scientist from Harvard Med—join forces to introduce conflict resilience: the radical act of sitting in and growing from conflict to break the bad habits that sabotage our politics, workplaces, and most important relationships. Conflict is getting the better of us. From our homes and community centers to C-Suites and Congress, disagreements are happening everywhere, with increasing frequency, and are being treated like zero-sum games that allow little margin for error and even less room for productive conversations. This puts a tremendous and untenable strain on our most important relationships and institutions. Unable or unwilling to negotiate conflict with skill, we ignore it or avoid it for as long as possible; when we are forced to face it, we escalate everyday disagreements and temporary flare-ups as if they’re life-and-death. Neither approach addresses underlying issues, promotes stronger relationships, or yields satisfying results. But there is a solution: a combined skillset and mindset that Bob Bordone calls “conflict resilience”—the ability to sit genuinely with and grow from disagreement. In this powerful, hopeful book, he and renowned neurologist Joel Salinas, MD, combine the inner mechanics of conflict—literally what’s going on in our bodies and our brains during moments of distress—with a groundbreaking three-step framework for how to navigate it: NAME (& dig deep) EXPLORE (& be brave) COMMIT (& own the conflict) In a time of increasing polarization, where consensus, agreement, and problem-solving can sometimes feel elusive, Conflict Resilience provides practical solutions to a common dilemma: How do you handle disagreements and differences with integrity while finding a way to create strong, deep, and lasting relationships? Conflict Resilience is not another book about conflict resolution, nor is it about problem solving. Conflict Resilience combines practical applications of advanced conflict management and study of the human brain to teach anyone how to turn conflict and negotiation into an act of union. This book provides the most cutting-edge and scientifically-grounded tools for driving agreement when possible and for empowering you to disagree better when the differences cut deep and the relationships matter most. This is a chance to bring people together, and an invitation to radically transform how we interact with our friends and families, our co-workers, our students, and our neighbors—anyone with whom we find ourselves in disagreement.

World-renowned relationships experts, Dr John Gottman and Dr Julie Schwartz Gottman, bring decades of their ground-breaking research on the science of love to the urgent and timely topic of conflict. Conflict is the number one reason that couples seek help and resources. Fight Right will teach you how to avoid the five critical mistakes that couples often make during conflict, and instead, teach you how to 'fight right' and use conflict as an opportunity for greater intimacy, deeper connection, and lasting love. Using decades of research, compelling case studies and a new international study, the Gottmans prove that even couples who are truly struggling in conflict and have really lost their way are able to recover and find their way back to each other. For those couples in crisis, or those who want to change their relationship dynamic, Fight Right is the go-to guide to understanding how to fight better, offering urgent and perennial lessons for healthy conflict. 'Couples today really need clear, compassionate, and science-based guidance in this arena, and as the world's leading love experts, the Gottmans are the trusted voice to guide them' Jay Shetty, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Think Like a Monk

Heralded by the New York Times and Time magazine as the couple therapy with the highest rate of success, Emotionally Focused Therapy works because it views the love relationship as an attachment bond. This idea, once controversial, is now supported by science, and has become widely popular among therapists around the world. In HOLD ME TIGHT, Dr. Sue Johnson presents Emotionally Focused Therapy to the general public for the first time. Johnson teaches that the way to save and enrich a relationship is to reestablish safe emotional connection and preserve the attachment bond. With this in mind, she focuses on key moments in a relationship-from Recognizing the Demon Dialogue to Revisiting a Rocky Moment-and uses them as touchpoints for seven healing conversations. Through case studies from her practice, illuminating advice, and practical exercises, couples will learn how to nurture their relationships and ensure a lifetime of love.

The classic text on the history of attachment theory and its impact on the field of child development, now in a fully expanded and updated edition.A century ago, leading childcare experts were miles apart in their recommendations to parents. Behaviorists warned against spoiling children with too much affection ("Never hug and kiss them, never let them sit in your lap") whereas geneticists argued that affection matters little because our genes alone determine who we are. Into this fray in the late 1930s stepped John Bowlby, the British psychoanalyst whose work with psychologist Mary Ainsworth would overturn the world of child development and shape its trajectory for the next 70 years.Becoming Attached tells the story of one of the great undertakings of modern psychology: the hundred-year quest to understand what children need and what constitutes good parenting. In this expanded and fully updated new edition, psychotherapist and journalist Robert Karen chronicles the origin of a groundbreaking idea - attachment theory - and its resounding impact on the fields of developmental psychology, psychiatry, and psychoanalysis. Karen charts the historic course of attachment theory as it gained notoriety and support-and not a little controversy. Do "securely attached" children fare better as adults than "insecurely attached" ones? What do children truly need to thrive? Can babies handle prolonged separations? Presenting the origin story of an important idea in child development, this new edition also reveals how attachment research has exploded worldwide in the past several years as evidence for the benefits of secure attachment continue to grow. Karen explores the cutting-edge science examining the relationship between infants and their caregivers - such as the hidden world of synchronized play, fMRI studies that reveal neural patterns of parental and receptive love, and the link between attachment and genetics, wherein early experience changes the expression of genes. Karen also tells a dramatic story of scientists at work and at war, what happens when a theory such as attachment becomes complicated by political and economic pressures, and how its entanglement with gender roles and equity in the workforce continue to overshadow research to this day. Karen shares anecdotes drawn from his own practice to illuminate the challenges many adults face in overcoming insecurities that may originate in infancy and childhood, and how resulting harmful relationship patterns may be quashed.Cementing its place as a classic text of child development and its rich history, Becoming Attached has much to say about both child and adult life, as readers will find it impossible to read without reflecting on their own lives as children, parents, and intimate partners in love or marriage.

"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers.While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of our anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.

The trans experience is all-too-often the subject of fierce debate in the media and online. Whilst we're having more and more conversations about the trans experience, the stark reality is that hate crimes against the trans community have quadrupled over the past five years, and that two in five trans young people have attempted suicide. But behind the shock headlines and the distressing statistics, what does it really mean to be trans? In this powerful, extensively researched and deeply personal book, Kenny Ethan Jones, trans activist and writer, offers an authentic and in-depth insight into the trans experience. From gender dysphoria to surgery, from being outed to finding love and considering parenthood, Kenny Ethan Jones draws on his own life and the stories of others from the trans and non-binary communities to create discussion around the complexities and reality of the trans experiences in today's society. Dear Cis(Gender) People is a powerful call-to-arms, equipping people of every gender with the tools to step forward as allies in order to bring about meaningful change. Through taking action and speaking out, we can create a safer, fairer world for trans people; a world in which all of us can exist as our most authentic selves and celebrate who we are without fear.

Two therapists analyze their own relationship to help untangle the common and frustrating barriers many individuals face on the road to a happy, loving, rewarding partnership. Many of the clients who end up in our respective therapist offices thought they were doing relationships right—avoiding the white picket fence, focusing on careers and experiences over babies and legally-binding documents, choosing someone after they “found themselves” first. However, like clockwork, around their early to mid-thirties, these clients show up at our door. Why? For the first time, they realize that they dislike their relationship and are frustrated by their partner but know that another break-up won’t fix things. They recognize a pattern of relationship misery that has them finally looking in the mirror asking, how do you make a relationship last? It took us many relationships, our own inner self journey (which we’re still on), therapy, therapy school, and helping thousands of people with their relationships, to learn to have better ones ourselves. Vanessa woke up at 31, after ending an engagement and moving to Los Angeles. John thought he woke up at 35 after his divorce. But he didn’t truly wake up until he was pushing 40.  In It’s Not Me, It’s You, John and Vanessa dissect their own relationship to help readers figure out theirs: what their relationships were like in the past, what traumas they carried into the new relationship, and how they work on growing together to foster a healthy and long-term bond. The surprising truth is falling in love is more about you than your partner. It’s more about challenge and growth than comfort and ease, and roots don’t grow from wishful thinking—they grow in the soil of communication, curiosity, patience, and understanding. It’s Not Me, It’s You is for anyone looking for real advice on relationships that takes both sides into account and discusses relationships with the honesty and clarity we all need.