7/10 - 3,5/5 I expected much more of a school YA romance than this sad, albeit funny, coming of age battle. It’s pretty lighthearted but it still deals with heartbreaking topics. It makes me sad and angry that so many kids have to face what Aideen is going through. It was a cute book, I read it very quickly and it was wholesome and sad. Towards the end it got weaker and I feel like major character arcs were wrapped up way too quickly so that it felt like a let down. This made me really really angry at the adults in Aideen’s life. I hate her limpdick loser father so much. Even her mother, who I feel more conflicted about, kinda sucks. To be fair, I haven’t really experienced alcoholism myself or through other people around me. I understand that it’s an illness and really hard to beat. On that part I have full compassion for Aideen’s mother. She probably had a hard life and has reasons why she became the way she is. Still, I think she’s a terrible mother and I feel like she got away with too much. <spoiler> What I’m so angry about isn’t necessarily the drinking, I understand it’s hard to quit. It’s what happens when she’s not drinking. Aideen is the textbook example of parentification, that poor child is constantly worrying about her mother, caring for her, sacrificing her eduaction to be with her or by losing mind over her. Additionally she keeps the house clean, gets food, saves money and organizes things. And she does all this so she isn’t taken away by social workers because that would break her mothers heart. That is just so so sad because I understand it, she doesn’t want to hurt her mother and she wants to stay with her. On the other hand maybe it really would be the best for Aideen to be apart from her. And then comes her father and how her mother constantly chooses him over Aideen. This isn’t even a case of financial dependency or abuse, Aideen’s mother welcomes him willingly into her arms. All the empathy I can have for her and why she might have become that way, it goes right out of the window if it means she willingly walks into a relapse. She’s an adult and should be able to recognize that he would never leave his wife and that she will spiral once he goes back to his wife. Spiral on the cost of her child worrying, caring for her and fighting so doesn’t relapse again. After seeing all of this and how Aideen spent a week basically not sleeping to watch over her mother and then she drinks again anyway and they barely talk, there are zero consequences. She doesn’t change, there’s no potential of changing, she doesn’t apologize to Aideen and Aideen doesn’t really confront her either. Yes they talk, but it’s nearly not enough. I expected more. And her cheating lying father can just die in a ditch. At least he pays child support (how much is it though?) but bro can just die. </spoiler> Every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child. Who I feel more conflicted on is Holly. <spoiler> Childhood friends or even just friends growing apart is not uncommon and always a sad and difficult thing. Oftentimes you still love the person or just the memories of what it used to be. I completely understand that it’s difficult for Holly, also probably because she knew that Aideen didn’t have other friends. It also seems that she genuinely cares about Aideen. She was there for her when Aideens father came back and she needed a place to stay and a friend to console her. She didn’t want Aideen to become a target and left her out of the article. It’s obvious she loves her in a way. She definitely treats Aideen badly, no question. She belittles her, takes her for granted, doesn’t make her a priority but expects Aideen to do that for her. She lies to her, ditches her constantly and is just a bad friend. It was more than right that Aideen cut off their friendship. Still, their final talk really didn’t do it for me. It cemented for me that Holly still deeply cared for Aideen, she even wanted to stay friends and to make the effort. I don’t think Aideen had to give her another chance, it was clear that their friendship wasn’t meant to be anymore. But in their final talk seeing Holly cry and be devastated was just so sad and didn’t feel right at all. It also didn’t feel rewarding because Aideen didn’t even mention all of the instances of Holly being shitty to her in the book alone. Maybe I’m too confrontational and angry but I feel like both Holly and Aideen’s mother deserved to be screamed at and be confronted with their behavior and how it hurt Aideen. Instead Aideen basically cushioned their feelings. Especially for Holly I understand that it’s bittersweet and I don’t mind that, but after an entire book of mistreatment from Holly there should have been more. And Aideen was so… detached? I understand that sometimes you just need to realize something and then it’s easy to make a decision but to me it came out of the blue that Aideen actually cut off their friendship. Like, she was still so worried about Holly and her feelings a few pages ago. And she never had an internal resolution, she just made up to go to Holly and then ended their friendship. It would’ve felt more right if Aideen had been the one crying and sad while Holly was detached. Or if Aideen had been angry. It still could have been bittersweet but I really missed the emotion from Aideen in it all. </spoiler> Kavi is such a sweetheart, I like him a lot. Meabh is cute. As I’ve mentioned, their relationship really wasn’t the priority. I would’ve liked more focus and development but for a coming of age story I think it was very much enough, just my preference is different. <spoiler> What bugged me a little is how mad Meabh got when Aideen was AWOL for a week. They knew each other for how long? A week? Two? I understand that those were intense weeks but still, I wouldn’t even be that mad if a close friend of mine did that. I would assume that something happened or they really needed time alone. Even when I was 16 and had someone like that in my life who often was awol, I was often angry but more worrying. And I think after such a short time Meabh had absolutely no right to be THAT mad. Aideen did nothing wrong. Yeah she should’ve told them that she was not going to reply but else? It definitely wasn’t a reason to be that angry. I thought she was angry because she believed Aideen ratted her out to Holly!! Because of the article. THAT would have been completely fair. </spoiler> Overall it’s a nice and quick read. Despite the sad and difficult topics, it’s still wholesome. Aideen is relatable and all the characters are nice. It’s a good coming of age story with queer elements. If only the end wasn’t so rushed.

Eine wahnsinnig berührende und ehrlich erzählte Geschichte. Die Gedanken der Protagonisten sind sehr greifbar und die Charaktere wachsen einem ans Herz ❤️‍🩹